“I look around but I can't find you.
If only I could see your face,
Instead of rushing towards the skyline.
I wish that I could just be brave.
I must become a lion hearted girl,
Ready for a fight,
Before I make the final sacrifice.
We raise it up, this offering.
We raise it up,
This is a gift it comes with a price…”
~Florence + the Machine, Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)
This is an excerpt from a secular song that was playing when I wrote this, and I thought it was apropos. There are moments we can’t see the road ahead, and we would like confirmation of where we’re going.
Over Christmas break I re-examined my life. I have been praying about direction. Where did I want to go? Where did God want me to go? Did the two roads coincide or was I off in LA-LA Land without a chaperone? In doing so, I kept overwhelming myself with the Bigger Picture. I have lists a mile long to complete, interruptions of daily life along the way inconvenience the work that needs to be done. My life feels like a teetering house of cards, and God just balanced two more on the top. If I hold my breath, and not move an inch, maybe, just maybe they won’t fall.
Coming back to CBS, I was depleted of the desire to serve. Overwhelmed but in attendance, I went through our core group time finding a glimmer of joy. I love being here. Talking with Maureen, she empathized with me giving me a common sense truth. Underlining what we learned that week, our bottom line was Jesus is in control, with Him nothing is uncertain, and He speaks to us through His word and through other servants around us, I find, I’m right where I should be.
I have the great potential to do the impossible. To do the impossible is to keep me working and not glossed over with complacency. I have to be in the Word, and worked to the bone. The house God is building over me is not a house of cards precariously balanced. It is a mansion for eternity built on the sure foundation of blood, sweat, and tears. It won’t get built in comfortable weather, or without the stress of deadlines, and it will stand because the Lord wills it so. He is the Architect, the Foreman, and the Crew, but everything He builds, adds, or adjusts is for me and for you.
Knowing I work for eternity, because I forgot that for a moment, and being reassured I am right where I am supposed to be, I can move forward. One foot at a time, one brick at a time, this house will stand through the storms, through the rain, and through the fire. Everything with God is certain, and His will is my good.